Slowly but surely, my mind slips farther.
It’s getting out of control, it’s becoming almost dangerous, I’ve assimilated the facde of a normal person while a personal battle rages on inside of me with no hopes of a cease-fire. There is an amount of distortion in society that seems to go beyond the deep end, or maybe it’s my jealousy of being a part of this said “true life”. I’m talking about the internet, or more specifically, MySpace and FaceBook.
First, a little bit of backstory, I was in a highschool relationship that carried on into colege that subsequently made me stay in my hometown, rather than getting into huge amounts of college loan debt and finding out who I really was. I wasn’t allowed to have alot of my friends, I wasn’t allowed to hang out with anyone but her, and we broke up on a daily basis. After highschool ended, none of my former friends wanted anything to do with me, I was basically branded a traitor. After the breakup, I was left with absoloutely no one, bsides my best friend who was already too busy with the police academy to even go out on a weekend. I made all my my new friends through my current girlfriend, but you know what? They suck, they really do for the most part. They don’t want to do anything new and interesting, they don’t want to go new places and hate doing anything in the cold or too hot. It’s come to the point where we sit bored and I will give an idea and it will get shot down because we “don’t have enough time”. Sure, we don’t have enough time, but when it comes to drinking, you won’t get the fuck out of my apartment until 3AM when I have to be at work in less than 5 hours and I desperately need sleep; then there’s all the time in the world!
Back to my point, I see people living a happy and fulfilling life on the websites, I see them actually going out and ENJOYING themselves. What the hell ever happeded to just driving around in the middle of the night and going to a Wawa to get something stupid? What ever happened to going to the beach in the middle of the winter “just because?” What ever happened to the spontenaeity we all used to have? I still have it! I still want to go out and have a life and enjoy myslef before I am relegated to my military-esque life of the police department. I don’t want to go to the same damn places all the time, I don’t want to drink at the same bar/club all the damn time, and I don’t want to hear some stupid gossip story about someone from your highschool! Entertain me a bit! Be interesting! Why should I have to try so hard to appeal to you when you just ramble on about trite shit that my grandmother couldn’t even sit through, and she’s in a coma!
By now you are thinking, “Wel, go and make some new friends!”. What a novel idea, reader, by I propose this question to you: Where? I’m no longer in college since I decided to enter the police academy, at my job, I am the only local in the the establishment, the rest of them are family that commute in from 50 miles away. My neighborhood? Let’s just say I don’t mix well with the racial divide. Sure, I could go to the bars, but I’ve done it, I’ve seen the people that hang there, it’s usually just the same routine every Thursday, Friday and Saturday. My age froup is either drinking themselves to death, or fucking girls that have a nice myriad of STD, I don’t want to do either…………since I already did it back in the day (no STD’s though, I lucked out, I guess).
Now I’m too frustrated to write.
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